Do you copy?
Susan Cheever
SMH Saturday June 12 2004

• What gives someone the strength to question authority?
What makes it possible to ignore peer pressure and act
according to conscience? Is the ability to do this a character
trait, does it come from education, or is it something parents
instil in their children?

Two famous psychological studies have shown that when
people are given power over others, most of them will abuse
it. Literature, from The Count of Monte Christo to Lord of the
Flies, illustrates this unbearable truth. The desire to follow
authority, combined with a will to conform, creates a dark,
dark side of human nature. In a study done at Yale in the
early 1960s, Dr Stanley Milgram's subjects willingly delivered
an apparently painful dose of electricity to actors who
pretended to be writhing in pain. Their excuse? They were
instructed to do so by a scientist in a white lab coat. In a study
at Stanford University in 1971, subjects who were asked to
play the role of "guards" with control over other subjects who
played the role of "prisoners" soon became sadistic.

What would you do in a situation like that? What would
your children do?

We pay lip service to nonconformity, but all the evidence
points in the other direction. From fashion fads to much
more important things, such as cars and even schools, we
all behave as if value comes from imitation. We buy the
bestsellers. In the summer we listen to the same music on the
same iPods. In the winter we are sheep in sheepskin clothing.
If we are so proud of having choices, how come we all choose
the same thing? We say we despise conformity, but we say it
in unison. Even our schools teach the ability to conform in
order to pass the exams. When we talk about wanting the best
for our children, don't we mean that we want them to have
what other children have? I certainly do.

Looking for an ice-cream cone one recent sunny day, my son
and I passed two long lines. Then we stopped at the window
of a gourmet store. Their ice-cream freezer glimmered in
the dim light. The store was empty except for a saleswoman
stocking shelves at the back. "It can't be good," we agreed.

I know that I sold my own soul long ago - probably the
day I bought my first Gucci loafers because they looked so
good on a friend of mine. But I wonder if I have raised my
children to conform as I do.

Those who follow the voice of conscience often get punished
by the community whose rules they must defy. Whistleblowers
get fired whether they have the courage to publicise the fact
that nicotine is addictive, or the temerity to take on a crooked
corporation, or the nerve to photograph coffins draped in
flags. We hear about them in the news, give them a moment
of silent thanks for their courage, and then forget about them
as we scramble to keep up with the Joneses.

I remember my daughter as a little girl. At birthdays she
would never join the singing circle; she preferred to sit in
a corner, playing with her bear. She hated pink. At kindergarten
she clung to me long after the other kids had cheerfully waved
"bye-bye" to their perfect parents. It was hard not to pressure
her to be one of those little girls in pink who sang along while
their mums smiled proudly. I did pressure her, but because
I had been a disastrous child myself, I sometimes let her be.
It was excruciatingly hard. That's all I'm trying to say.

We can say we admire those who march to a different
drummer, but in fact being different is hard, harder than
most of us can imagine, so hard that it often destroys the
people who manage it. That's all.